December 2011
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Dear Future Boyfriend,
#adorbs…
notestomyfutureboyfriend:
I have a tumblr, and yes I’m going to post about you. If you don’t want to see what I’m posting then please don’t look. You’re just going to get super insecure because you’ll think it’s all about you. Most of it is. But not all of it. So please, don’t do the same thing my ex did. I’m keeping an open mind with you.
Love,
Me
“fuck it, generally speaking…”
– my mother {who would never want to be quoted saying this…}
Watch
annoying hometown supermarket reunions...
other mom: oh, [child's name] has a PhD from McMaster and [other child's name] has a PhD from McGill University...and...what does your daughter do?
my mom: my daughter is a fashion model and she lives in NEW YORK CITY.
me to mom: take that, bitch.
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SHIT THAT I SAY: Broadway & Prince
cailin: i want a man that takes me to the Prada store.
kristen: OMG why you gotta say the dumbest and most obvious shit about men that every woman is thinking--"i want a man that takes me to the Prada store" "i want a man that takes me on vacation" "i want a man with a big dick that fucks me good"--DO YOU NOT REALIZE EVERY WOMAN WANTS THESE THINGS!?!?!
cailin: you're a fucking BITCH.
kristen: omg brrrr. it's--like--warm in the sun but cold in the shade.
cailin: OMG WHY YOU GOTTA SAY THE DUMBEST AND MOST OBVIOUS SHIT ABOUT THE WEATHER...
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“I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I’ll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub....
